Paved With Good Intentions
by Sidney1
Summary: Takes place after 'Selfless', my take on the significance of the two Buffy's in that ep. It's totally AU after that. B/S centered but other characters are included as well. Please R/R.
1. Default Chapter

Author's Note:  This story may contain spoilers up to 'Selfless'.  I'm picking up right after the appearance of the "two Buffys" in that episode.  This is my take on what was going on during that ep.  I haven't seen any stories with this premise yet, so I'm hoping this will be an original.  Please R/R.   Remember this is my very first fanfic.  

Chapter 1

Spike sat huddled in a corner listening to the fading sound of Buffy's heels clicking on the hard basement floor, she was leaving.  She had tried to get him to leave with her, at least that's what he thought she was telling him.  It was so hard to tell these days.  The voices swirled around him, sometimes their owners even materialized in front of him.  It was very difficult to know who or what was real anymore.   He had finally covered his ears and howled like and animal until she had left.

_"She's not real you know, they all think she is, but she's not."  _

Spike looked up startled.  It was Buffy again, but she was dressed differently this time.  Had she had time to change clothes and come back?  It seemed like it had only been minutes since she had left, or had it?  He really had lost his mind.

"Spike, did you hear me? Spike?  You have to listen to me, please.  I need_ you__."_

He stared at her in confusion.  She sounded so sweet, so patient.  He didn't remember her ever using that tone with him before.  He stared at the floor, feeling too ashamed to meet her eyes.

"Buffy, love… I told you I belong here, I can't leave.  I've always been here….  Besides, you're not real anyway, I can't keep wasting my time with spooks_." He said this last with a trace of his old snarkiness._

_"Spike, listen__" Buffy began using a voice barely above a whisper__. " I know you're scared and confused.  I know you think you're seeing things.  But, I told you I would help you get through this.  You have to believe me, I am real.  The other, she wasn't real.  They're just trying to confuse you, make you think you're crazy so you can't help me."  She knelt down before the disheveled vamp and gently lifted his chin so that his eyes met hers.__ " Spike, I need you to believe me.  You're the only one who can help me."_

_*************************************_

"I don't know what's wrong with me?  I've tried everything I know to make them like me, but it doesn't work.  I thought they had invited me to a party last Friday but when I got to the address, it was the Dog Pound! " 

The girl had barely gotten this last part out through her tears.  Buffy fought the intense anger she felt rising, who did these little bitches think they were anyway?  Laura had been in her office several times the previous week.  Her English teacher had sent her the first time after she had started crying in class, after that she had come back on her own, desperate for someone to talk to.   It seems the girl had become the current scapegoat for some of the more cruel members of the in-crowd.  Her obvious thirst for acceptance wasn't helping the situation any either.

"Laura, I know you want them to like you but have you ever considered that they don't deserve your friendship.  You are a very nice girl, with a lot to offer, you should…."

Laura cut Buffy off with a sad laugh.

"Well if I'm so wonderful, how come* they're* always in Homecoming court, and all the guys like* them* and I'm treated like a *dog*?"

The bell signaling class change saved Buffy from having to respond to such a tough question.  Laura gathered her books from the floor and took the tissue Buffy offered her.  

"Thanks again for listening Miss Summers, I have a quiz next period and I know you're tired of hearing me complain, so I better get going_."_

"No, Laura, I'm glad to help you in any way I can.  Please come back any time you need to talk."

Once the teen had left her cubicle Buffy let her forehead hit her desk with an audible thump.  Why did the principal ask me to be a counselor?, she thought to herself.  I can't even sort out my own personal problems half the time and now I'm supposed to solve other people's problems!  I wish I could just go find that little Harmony Kendall wannabe who currently runs the "cool crowd" and stake her snotty ass.  Too bad, this girl wasn't technically a vampire, just a royal bitch.  And how was she supposed to explain to Laura that what was happening to her wasn't her fault.  God, she had a headache.  She should have just stayed in bed today, because her she certainly wasn't helping anyone.  She remembered her conversation with Spike earlier, if you could call it that.  She had been trying to 'help' him, get him out of that basement and away from the frickin hell hole. He had just babbled some nonsense about the walls talking and the rats listening, or was it the other way around?  Who the hell knew. She would probably end up forcibly removing him, but she didn't know where she'd take him if she did.  Part of her just wanted to forget he existed, but that was easier said than done when he lived in the basement of the school where she worked and her sister attended.  Every time she thought of him she remembered him on that cross, his flesh sizzling.  He had done this to himself *for her*. God, she hadn't asked for that!  He couldn't lay this at her feet, he had tried to rape her for God's sake, he should just feel lucky she didn't stake him.  But another part of her, the part she tried to silence, told her that she couldn't turn away from him, that he needed her.  He had always been there for her, in his own way, and she needed to return the favor.  Besides, she… cared about him, they had been through a lot together after all.  But, it was definitely just a 'used to sleep with you, known you for years' kind of caring she told herself, … definitely.  She'd figure out a way to get him away from the hell mouth and then he'd have to find some way to deal with his own guilty conscious, that was all she could do.  


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"So, you're telling me that *you* are the real Buffy and that other bint is some sort of imposter?"  Spike said while looking skeptically at Buffy.  He had more sanity in his eyes now and was no longer cowering on the floor, but was actually sitting straddle legged in a student desk chair he had scavenged, arms folded over the back.  "No offense love, but I don't know if I can believe that, after all I have been riding the ole crazy train for the past few months.  How do I know you're not the imposter." 

"Because Spike, you know me.  You know me better than anyone and if I can't make you believe me, no one else will."

Spike looked at her intensely searching for the truth.  She certainly did look like Buffy, the same beautiful face, trendy clothes, gorgeous hair.  He wanted to believe this was her.  He was so lonely, in so much pain, he needed it to be her.  But something in his mind still wouldn't let him fully accept it.  "Why don't you just call up the Scooby gang….have the whelp and the witch rush in and save you?"

"I can't call them up.  I'm stuck here, I can't leave."  Buffy was starting to sound desperate. 

"I'll just go get them then", Spike said simply.

"Spike, you know they won't believe you."  She moved closer to him placing her hands on this crossed arms.  "Honey, they think you are evil or insane… or both really.  Besides, they think the other one is me and if it finds out that I'm trying to get help, a lot of people are going to get hurt.  That is why I need you to keep this a secret until we can find a way to let the others know what is happening."  Buffy paused dramatically and raised her hand to stroke Spike's cheek  "Then, we can be together like we're meant to be."

"You want to be with me?  After what I did?  What would make you decide that, nothing I've ever said has convinced you before."  Spike finished this with a laugh, "now I know I'm hearing things again."

"Spike, maybe I deserved what you did.  I've realized…"

"What!  Bloody hell woman, don't ever say such a thing.  You deserve better than that!  Better than I could ever give you.  That's why I got this bleeding soul… to be what you deserved… to be the kind of man that would never do… that… to a lady."  He still couldn't bring  himself to utter the word 'rape' it was too ugly, too close to the horrible reality of what he almost did to the woman he loved.

"That's what I'm trying to say Spike.  You have your soul back now and I can trust you.  Maybe I didn't deserve what you tried to do, but we both know how cruel I was to you.  I just didn't want to admit that I could love a creature like you.  But now you have your soul back and I don't have that excuse anymore.  It's time for me to admit how I feel.  I can't imagine being with anyone else …you are my everything.  You were right all along… you knew… we were meant for each other."  Tears were now streaming down her face.  "But, I've screwed it up, I was so cruel to you.  You left and I needed you to help with Willow, I needed you so badly… but, it was my fault you weren't there, I pushed you away.  Now, I've been stuck in this hell hole since then and I thought I would be here forever, until you came back.  But, I guess I've pushed you too far this time and I'll be alone here forever." 

By the time Buffy finished her words were barely intelligible through her sobbing.  Spike felt like someone was squeezing his undead heart.  How could he not know this was really Buffy.  He stood up pushing the chair away and pulled Buffy into his arms.  Her small body went limp against him as he comforted her.  "Shh love, s'okay, you're not alone.  I'm here and I'm going to do whatever I have to do to get you out of here.  Just tell me what you need love…. anything, you know I'd do anything for you" he whispered into her hair.

****************

Xander had been asked by his boss to check out the basement of the school.  Apparently there were 'surprise, surprise' strange noises coming from down there.  His boss thought it might be a gas or a water leak and had asked Xander to check it out.  Xander didn't really expect to find anything, not anything that his construction skills could fix anyway, but he couldn't really explain that to the boss man.  Xander figured he would look in on Spike (who was probably the source of a lot of the strangeness) and ask him if he had noticed anything.    As Xander got closer to the area where Spike usually lurked he heard Spike's voice.  It sounded like he was having a conversation with someone but he couldn't hear another voice.  Xander eased open the door in time to see Spike appearing to 'hug' thin air.   "Wonderful, he thought.  Spike is just the picture of mental health today.  I'm not even going near that."   Xander then eased the door shut again, unnoticed by the vampire.    He needed to tell Buffy that she had to get Spike out of that basement.  It looked like the freak had half destroyed his "room" and Xander wasn't looking forward to weekly spackling sessions to cover up the holes Dead Boy punched in the walls.  Besides, it couldn't be a good thing to have a lunatic vampire, neutered or not, hanging out in the basement of the high school.   It had to be against health codes or something.   

Xander turned his car onto Revello Drive.  He was not looking forward to talking to Buffy.  They hadn't spoken in several days, not since she tried to kill Anya.  Xander still felt betrayed by Buffy, even though Anya was alive.  How could Buffy be so cold?   I mean, yeah, she had given the whole speech about killing Angel but this was different, at least in his mind it was.  It wasn't like Anya was trying to destroy the world or anything.  Maybe he was being too hard on Buffy or too easy on Anya, he didn't know which.  As he turned off the ignition and got out of the car, he decided to try and put the whole thing behind them.  After all, Anya was alive and he and Buffy had been through a lot together.

Dawn answered the door, immediately warning Xander to be wary of her sister.  "If you've come to see *her* you might want to think twice because someone sure pissed in her cornflakes this morning."  Dawn said the last part overly loud obviously hoping Buffy would hear. 

"What's wrong Dawnster, did you get caught stealing her favorite sweater again?"  Xander smiled, trying to lighten the mood in his usual way.

"No, much worse.  I put dishes in the sink without rinsing them first."  Dawn said this with mock horror, ending with the patented rolling of her eyes.

"Yeah, Anya used to get on me for that.  Said she'd actually put on the old vengeance for lazy husbands who did it.  So you'd better be careful."  Xander grabbed Dawn in a half hug and mussed her hair affectionately.   "I'll go get her highness for you", Dawn replied grinning.

Buffy sighed inwardly when Dawn came up to her room to tell her Xander was downstairs.  She didn't have the energy to argue with him about Anya anymore.  What was done was done and Anya was no longer a demon and as long as she stayed that way Buffy had no interest in harming her.  Of course, she was sure Xander thought she was still gunning for her.  She really couldn't believe that Xander thought she was that cold, but then again she had tried to kill his beloved… mass murdering demon or not.  Buffy pulled on her robe and started out of her room, she had hoped to catch a nap before patrol, but apparently that wasn't going to happen.  She wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway she reasoned.  Either she had horrible nightmares of the hell mouth opening and girls being murdered or she lay awake worrying about that and her job and her sister and, well everything.

"Hey Xand" she tried to bring some cheeriness into her voice and pretend that the ugliness a couple of days ago never happened.  "Dawn said you needed to see me about something."

"Yeah it's about the evil dead guy who lives in the basement of the school."  Xander was also trying hard not to sound as uncomfortable as he felt. 

"What did Spike do now?" Buffy bit out, fatigue and frustration evident in her tone.

"Nothing, I mean he hasn't killed anybody or anything.  He's just got to get out of the school and go back to his crypt or something.  He's made a huge mess down there and I'm  so not getting the warm fuzzies about cleaning up after him.  Besides, you know he's crazy not to mention a vampire and it's probably not a good idea for him to be around all those young impressionable kids.  He might start them smoking or something you know"  Xander tried to gain a laugh from Buffy but failed, she just stared at him blank eyes.

"I know, we have to do something about him." Buffy sighed audibly this time.  "I'm just not sure what yet, I can't reason with him and I think Clem has pretty much permanently moved into his old crypt.  He doesn't really have anywhere to go either and I'm not sure Spike is exactly roommate material right now, he could probably give Kathy a run for her money on the annoying-demon-roommate front."  Buffy rubbed her temples and slumped on the couch. "I'll think of something Xander, I promise, I'll talk to him again tomorrow.  Now, I hate to be rude, but I've got to try and get some sleep before I go out on patrol or I'm going to end up being the slay-ee instead of the slay-er. You're welcome to hang around as long as you want though.  Dawn could probably use the company.   Willow went to the grocery store yesterday, so we actually have food.  She has a night class so she won't be around until about 9:30 but like I said you're welcome to wait on her."

"That's cool" Xander said to Buffy's back and she started out of the room and up the stairs to her bed.  "Buff?"

"Yeah Xander" , Buffy said trying hard not to hide her annoyance.

"Is there something wrong?  I mean do you need help with something?"

"No", she replied "it's nothing that a little sleep can't fix."  With that she proceeded up the stairs leaving a very puzzled and concerned Xander staring after her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:  Thanks to everyone who has submitted reviews, especially the one regarding quotation marks around dialogue.  I've always had a problem with distinguishing dialog from the action, inner thoughts, etc.  I hope this format is a little easier to read.  I'm open to more suggestions on that front BTW. **

I really hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew with this one.  I know where I want to go with the story but I want to make it believable in the context of the Buffyverse and it's characters.  I also don't want to have to resort to putting lengthy explanations up here in the 'author's note' just to make the story understood.  A good writer should let the story tell itself (not that I'm a good writer).   Hope you enjoy this chapter, hopefully I'll have another tomorrow.   Reviews are appreciated.

**Chapter 3**

There's always a prophecy, Spike thought as he made his way through Sunnydale's seemingly endless maze of electrical tunnels.    You would think that they would cancel each other out there were so bloody many of them.  Buffy had appeared to him that morning, bringing a book of some sort.  The language it was written in was very obscure, he wasn't even sure if it was human.  She said she had managed to steal it out of the hell mouth, supposedly it held the secrets to an ancient demon prophecy which foretold the opening of the hell mouth and the final destruction of mankind, your basic good old fashioned doomsday prophecy.  As he hit another dead end, he cursed his lack of familiarity with the more respectable side of town, it wasn't like vamps had much use for the post office.  It seemed like he had retraced his steps a million times, but he was determined to fulfill the quest his lady had laid out for him.  She had looked so fragile, when she gave it to him, begging him to send it as soon as possible.  He remembered how her brows had been knitted with worry as she told him of the prophecy.

*****************

"So, the hell mouth has a library", he quipped.  "Wonder what kind of late fees they charge, aye?" 

Buffy just looked at him sadly and motioned for him to sit on the floor beside her.   She opened the text sitting before her and started flipping through it as if she knew exactly what she was looking for, even though there was no way she understood it's language.  She finally stopped flipping and ripped out two of the ancient pages.  "You need to get these to Giles, mail them to him but don't let him know who they're from.  He may not take them seriously if he knows they're from you and we can't afford to take that chance."

Spike tried to shrug off the hurt he felt at being reminded of his lack of credibility with the people Buffy loved.  Even Dawn hated him now. 

"What does the prophecy say luv?"

"That It…..the thing beneath us, will begin to gain power, feeding off the souls of the evil that the slayer… that I, have stopped.  The most powerful of all of the slayers, guess that's me, will be trapped in the hell mouth and an imposter will take her place.  I guess so everyone will think that everything is okay and I'll be there to save them.   His followers, demons and humans, will sense his rising and start killing off all of those in the slayer line, the ones who haven't been called yet.  Once the last slayer is gone, the hell mouth will absorb all of the power of the light….the power of the slayer…me… bringing back the darkness, going back to the time before there was light, before men ruled the earth.  And everyone…all the people, the animals, even the plants…"

"From beneath us it devours, right pet?"

Buffy only nodded solemnly.  "Spike, I think this time it really is *it*.  The only chance I have, that any of us have, is to throw the imposter into the hell mouth.  That's the only way I can be freed and It can be stopped." 

"Well, I'll just go get the bitch right now and we'll finish this."  Spike stood up angrily as if to leave.

"Spike, no!  You can't, it's too powerful, you won't be able to fight it.  We have to try and weaken it first and we need help.  That's why you have to get the prophecy to Giles."

"Pet, I don't understand.  You said that there are girls dying, we have to stop it NOW before those crazy buggers kill anyone else.  And it's living with Dawn, aren't you afraid of what it might do to her!?  We can't waste any more time wringing our hands."

Buffy grabbed Spike's hands and drew him back down to the floor with her.  "Don't you think I want to stop this now?  I have to be careful.  We have to be careful.  We have to be sure our plan is going to work before we make our move.  The entire world is at stake here.  Of course I care about those girls, but if I let my emotions take over *everyone* will die."  Buffy looked at the vampire with pleading eyes.  "Besides, I'm not worried about Dawn.  It's trying to play itself off as me, so it won't hurt her.  It knows if it succeeds it will have her anyway… it will have all of us.  You know this Spike, you've felt it."

"But Buffy you said yourself that it's getting more powerful.  If it gets more of those girls it will only get worse."

"Spike, don't you trust me?  I need you to do what I ask before it's too late.  We can do this together if you'll just trust me."  Buffy then leaned towards Spike, putting her right hand behind his head and drew him into a kiss.

Oh God, Spike had forgotten how intoxicating it was to be in her arms.   Her mouth tasted so sweet and she was kissing him so gently, so deeply.  It was no longer a violent attempt to feel and to forget what she had lost, she was really kissing him… tenderly, lovingly, passionately.   He would follow her anywhere.  After all, she was the slayer, his slayer, she had saved the world many times before and she would do it again.  He just thanked God that she had learned to trust him again and that he would be the one to help her.  Being with her made the voices stop, he was no longer constantly tormented by his past actions, he actually felt hope.  He knew he had done horribly evil things but now he was on the side of right and with Buffy by his side he could begin to try and atone for his past.  Damn, he sounded like that ponce Angel, but he didn't care because he was finally going to get his second chance.

************

Spike finally reached the manhole that came out in the alley behind the post office.  As he eased the cover off, he noticed with relief that the skies were overcast, he would be able to make a mad dash for the back door without bursting into flames after all.   

Once inside the vampire scanned the faces of the other customers waiting in line.  They were going about their daily business, mailing presents to their grandkids, paying bills, they had no bloody idea that the fate of the entire world hinged on the letter he held in his hand.   As he handed the letter to the sour faced middle-aged lady behind the counter giving her the 37 cents he had managed to scrounge up, he inwardly cringed.   Now the entire fate of the world rested in the hands of the United States Postal Service.  God help us all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Spike, Spike!"  

Buffy was only greeted by the sound of her voice echoing off the concrete walls.  "Where the hell are you?" she said almost to herself.  

She had promised Xander that she would get him out of the school basement today, before he could wreak any more havoc on the walls.  Buffy grudgingly admitted to herself that her concern was not so much for the added workload that Spike's tantrums would put on Xander, but for Spike himself.  Spike had really lost it.  The last time they had spoken he seemed to have lost all touch with reality and almost didn't seem to recognize her, or at least he didn't seem to believe she was really there talking to him.  Being this close to the hell mouth central couldn't be helping either.  She had gone to see Clem at Spike's old crypt the night before during her patrol.  He had seemed happy to hear that his friend was back in town and quite concerned when Buffy told him of his mental state.  Before she could even ask, he had vehemently assured her that the crypt was still Spike's home and that he would clear out ASAP unless she thought Spike needed someone around.  She wasn't sure what to tell him on that one, so she told Clem they'd have to wait and see.  She wasn't so sure Clem would want to stay with Spike once he saw what had become of the once proud vampire.

Buffy made one more sweep around the basement, in case Spike was hiding from her.  Also, with the way the walls seemed to move it was hard to know if she'd checked every room.  She finally made it back to the room where Spike usually seemed to hang around.  She leaned against the door frame surveying the Spartan furnishings, if you could even call them that.  There was a chair, obviously from a student desk and a few scraps of paper littered about, she also thought she saw the remains of a rat in one corner, but decided against investigating that any further.  She winced when she noticed the holes in the walls that were causing Xander so much concern.  Spike was really drowning in the guilt his soul had caused and seemed to feel it necessary to inflict pain on himself at every opportunity.   She had wondered if Angel had been the same when he first got his soul back.  She had even thought of calling him for some advice on how to deal with Spike, but had stopped herself.  Angel and Spike weren't exactly fond of one another and she didn't know how he'd react to the news.  Plus there was also the fact that she hadn't been able to bring herself to tell anyone about Spike's new acquisition.  She supposed she was being silly, but she couldn't bear the questions that she knew would come.   It had been his choice but she couldn't help feeling guilty about the shape he was in.  She knew her friends wouldn't judge her like that and maybe that was partly why she hadn't told them.  Call it her own form of self abuse, she didn't want anyone to try to lighten the burden she felt.   Oh but wait 'til Dawn finds out, she won't have to worry about abusing herself then.  Dawn will be furious in the way that only a teenager who feels left out of the loop can be.  She had been pretty angry when she found out that Buffy hadn't told her about Spike being back, but she had a feeling that would seem pleasant compared to what would happen when Dawn found about Buffy's latest secret.  Maybe she should just go ahead and tell her.  She had thought about it.  She knew it had really hurt Dawn when she had found out about the bathroom incident.  Spike had been her friend and had taken care of her when Buffy couldn't.   She knew that Dawn missed him, but was unable to get past her feelings of betrayal.  It would probably help Dawn to forgive him if she knew about the soul, but she would also have a lot of questions that Buffy just didn't want to answer.  She really didn't know what to do so she did what she always did, pretended it wasn't an issue.  When in doubt…. deny, deny, deny.   Besides, lunch was almost over (not that she'd actually had any) and she needed to get back to her job before it was time to go home and get ready of her other glamorous job of slinging burgers and then after that she got to go to her third job as bouncer at the local cemeteries, then if she was really lucky she had another sleepless night ahead of her before she had to get up and start all over again.  Maybe Spike had taken her advice after all and found somewhere else to stay, but that'd probably be too easy.  She'd just have to check in on him again tomorrow.

************

He looked so hot, leaning over one of the pool tables at The Bronze, his brow crinkled in concentration as he planned his next shot.  Buffy snuck up behind him, slipping a stake out of her pocket and holding it's tip lightly against his leather clad back.  She leaned up whispering sensuously in his ear.  

"I thought I told you to stay away from me and my hangouts vampire."

Spike spun around, having completely missed his shot.  He still held the pool cue and had a cocky half-smile pasted across his face.

"Didn't realize you were the boss of me Slayer.  'Sides you seem to be the one seekin me out."   He leered at her and picked up his beer from the edge of the pool table, bringing it to his mouth.

"Shut up Spike", Buffy said before slapping the beer from his hand sending it flying across the room.

"You little bitch…"

"I said shut up."  

With that Buffy ripped the pool cue from his hand, slamming him down hard on the pool table before straddling his hips and crushing his mouth in a rough kiss.  Suddenly The Bronze disappeared and they were in his crypt, actually in the bed.   He was making love to her slowly. She arched her back trying to increase the friction between them, but he just laughed softly into her hair.

"Slow down there luv, we've got all night….we've got forever."

"Spike, please" she panted.  "I need you, I…"

Suddenly his face changed, the demon emerging.  He withdrew from her quickly pushing her away with a feral growl and look of disgust.

"You lying little whore, what have you done with Buffy?!"

"Spike what are you talking about?  Wh..What's wrong with you?"

"You know what's wrong bitch.  You might be able to fool everyone else. But guess what?  I'm not buying it."

Buffy was then pinned to the bed under his weight.  His long fingers closed around her throat squeezing until she thought she would pass out.  She clawed at his hands, drawing blood but he only laughed at her.   She thrashed, trying to throw him off but it seemed as if she had lost all of her strength.  She felt herself being pulled into the darkness, his sneering face becoming smaller and smaller as the light receded.

**********

"Buffy, Buffy wake up!"

Buffy awoke with a start.  Dawn was standing over her shaking her by the shoulders.

"Buffy are you okay?  I could hear you all the way downstairs."

Buffy looked around disoriented.  She noticed that all of her covers were now in the floor and there was a large rip in the fitted sheet which was still grasped in one of her fists.  She looked back into the worried eyes of her sister, reality flooding back to her.  Willow appeared in the door wearing pajamas and a serious case of the bed head.

"What's going on guys?  I heard screaming.  Is… Is everyone okay?"

Buffy just stared wide-eyed at Dawn.

"Buffy, answer me.  You were screaming that you couldn't breath.  You're really scaring me."

Buffy finally found her voice.

"I'm sorry Dawnie… Willow.  It was just a dream.  A really… bad dream.  I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay, I was already up. I was just trying to make us some breakfast when I heard you."  Dawn replied.  She had obviously already been to the shower, her hair was up in a towel and she was wearing a pink robe.

Willow looked a little sheepish.  "I don't have a class till 11:30, I thought I'd sleep in.  Not.. not that I'm complaining about being woke up. I… I was just trying to explain why I was still in my pajamas.  I mean, I know you still are and that's fine", she said glancing at Buffy.  "I'm babbling aren't I?"

"A little", Dawn confirmed.

"I just feel like I should be up and you know ….. doing something to make up for, for .."

"Your turn to the darkside?" Dawn offered.

"Well, if you want to put it that way.."   Willow stopped, noticing the tears standing in Buffy's eyes.

"Buff, that must have been some dream.  What was it about?  Do you think it was, ya know a slayer dream… a omen of some sort? Do we need to hit the books, do some research?"

Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes willing herself not to break down and cry in front of her friend and sister.

"No Will, I don't think so.  Just seen to many bad horror movies lately, I guess."

Willow and Dawn both looked unconvinced.

"Don't worry Willow, Buffy will tell you later I'm sure", Dawn said crossing her arms.

"Dawn what are you talking about?" Buffy asked.

"It's just that nothing's changed.  You say you're going to quit sheltering me and here you go again.  Can't tell poor little baby Dawnie anything, she might get scared, she might cry."

"Dawn, I'm not hiding anything from you.  It was just a bad dream, besides I don't even really remember what it was about."

"Whatever Slayer."  Dawn then spun around flipping her hair and stomped out of the room in a dramatic huff.

Willow remained, looking a little uncomfortable following Dawn's display.  She wasn't sure if Buffy was really trying to protect Dawn or if it had been like Buffy had said, only a dream.

"Is there something you need to tell me Buffy?"

"No Willow, there really isn't.  It was just a dream……  What time is it?"  Buffy then glanced at her clock answering her own question, it was 6:01a.m.

"Crap, I have to get up", she groaned.

"I'll stay up too if it will help", Willow offered.

"No, Will go back to bed there's no point in both of us suffering.  I'm the chosen one.  It's my sacred duty to guard the hell mouth and listen to teenagers cry about their horrible little lives."

"I thought you liked working at the school?"  Willow looked at her friend with concern.

"I do. I'm sorry.  I just didn't sleep too well last night."  She offered Willow a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Well, I'll let you get ready.  I'm making dinner tonight, so don't be late."  Willow tried to sound stern with the last part.

"Yes mom." Buffy said with a salute.

With Willow gone, Buffy covered her face with her hands, rubbing her eyes.  The dream had been so horrible, so real.  Being in Spike's arms again, if only in a dream, had felt wonderful she admitted.  But then it had to go and take such an ugly turn.  God, why was she having these horrible nightmares?  She probably hadn't gotten 5 hours of decent sleep in the past 5 days.   For once she hadn't dreamed about the hell mouth, but this had been almost worse.

"Shake it off Buff" she said to herself aloud.  "You've got things to do, people to see and all that happy crap."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"One thousand one hundred and eighty four, one thousand one hundred and eighty five, one thousand one hundred and …Oh bloody hell!"

"Spike what are you doing?"

It was Buffy.  The other Buffy, the one only he knew wasn't real.  She had snuck up on him, the bloody bitch.  He wanted to kill the stupid bint, but he had to pretend he didn't know he reminded himself, bide his time.

"I'm counting", he said simply.

"Counting what?"

"Just counting, it helps… clears the head… don't have to think."

"Oh", Buffy said feeling the guilt wash over her that always came when she was reminded of the pain that Spike was in.

"Spike, this is crazy."

"You noticed huh?"  He then began laughing, maniacally.  He actually felt more sane, not that the guilt wasn't still bothering him, but he felt it safer if 'it' thought he was still a raving lunatic.

"Spike, stop it.  I need you to focus for a minute."

"Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the…"

"Spike, dammit!"  Buffy was starting to lose her patience.  She hadn't meant to, but fatigue and worry were starting to wear her down.

"Don't hafta shout.  I can hear ya know.  We all can.  The rats, they've been talking…. bloody little bastards. All they do is squeak about, nothing nice to say."

Buffy took a deep breath, willing herself to keep calm.

She stooped down to where he was sitting, his back against the wall.  She reached out her hand to touch his arm but he shrunk away as if he'd been burned.  She couldn't help feeling hurt by it.

"Hands to yourself, Slayer.  I won't be pawed at."

That was it, he couldn't be reasoned with.  She was going to have to take a more direct approach.  She stood up, looking down on him with a menacing glare.

"You are getting out of this basement today.  I don't care what you say and I *really* don't care what the stupid rats have to say about it.  I have to go upstairs and work now, but tonight you better be ready because you are getting the hell out of here.  *Do* *you* *understand*?"

Spike just stared at her with a mutinous glare and started counting again.

"one, two, three, four, five…"

"Fine Spike, you don't have to acknowledge me, but you're still leaving this place.  Don't even think about running and hiding because I'll be back….every single day until I can get you out of here, so deal with it."  She paused, continuing a little more gently.  "If you don't get out of here you will end up dead… or worse."

"twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…"

Dammit, he was still babbling.  It didn't matter though, because come sundown he was leaving if she had to hog tie him and drag him out by his hair.  Buffy then whirled around and left Spike to his counting.

********__

"It wants me to leave here luv… it wants me to leave you."

"Shh baby, it's okay.  Of course it wants you to leave.  It knows you're smart.  It's afraid that you'll figure it out if you stay here.  But you've already figured it out haven't you?  It doesn't know it's already too late.  So leave here with it if it's so determined.  We don't want to make it suspicious.  You can come back to me every night…I'll be here."

Spike was lying on the floor his head in Buffy's lap, she was gently stroking his hair.  He had missed her so much.  She had explained that she couldn't come to him for more than short periods at a time.  It took a lot of energy for her to appear before him and she needed to save her energy for what was to come.  But still, he wished she could be with him always.  When she was there, he wasn't haunted by the faces of all those he had hurt… the lives he had ended.  

"But pet, I don't know.  I…the voices… Just being here, knowing you're close by.  I … I don't know if I can hold it together out there."

"Spike, your strong, a warrior, you must remember that.  You've faced much harder things than this.  You fought to win your soul back… for me.  No one has ever done anything like that before.  So you *can* do this.  You have to.  Everything depends on it…. *we* depend on it.  Just remember that we'll be together soon."

Spike couldn't fail her, she was counting on him.  Not this time…this time he'd save her even if it meant his own death.

"Don't worry luv, I'll manage.  I'll get you out of this damn place if I have to fight all the legions of hell to do it."

"I know you will baby, I know you will."

*********

Buffy had butterflies in her stomach.  The sun had almost gone down and it was time for her to go and get Spike away from the hell mouth.  She rifled through her weapons trunk until she found what she was looking for, a pair of manacles, left over from the days when Willow had dated Oz.  She didn't want to have to use them but she was determined to finish this tonight.  She had no idea how it was going to go.  Sometimes he acted pretty sane, reasonable even, but most of the time he acted like an escaped mental patient and she wasn't taking any chances.  She was going to do right by him.  She would get him out of that damn basement and hopefully his mind would start to heal, then maybe they could be friends again.  She missed his friendship, the one they had before she started using him to feel.  She didn't want to think any further ahead than that though, she couldn't afford to.  She slammed the lid on her trunk and started out the door.  She was going to get him and the rest was in fate's hands.

**********

"Slayer."

Spike was sitting on his stolen chair, his legs sprawled out in front of him.  He seemed to have a little more focus and a hint of his old cocky attitude.

"See you're still into the bondage."

Buffy looked down at the manacles she was carrying and frowned.

"I'm just making sure you don't pull any stupid crap.  Are you going to leave with me willingly?"

"Of course Slayer.  I'm just an evil vampire, who am I to argue with your great shiny chosenness?"

Buffy was glad he wasn't acting crazy at the moment but he sure was being a pain in the ass.  She resolved herself to ignore his smart ass comments.

"Good.  Did you have anything you wanted to bring with you?"

Spike looked around his bare room and chuckled.

"Don't know Slayer.  D'ya think I could bring me a couple a rats?  Maybe for a midnight snack?"

"I think it's time you and the rats parted ways Spike.  So say goodbye and lets get the hell out of here."

"Yes m'lady, I am but your humble servant."

"Perfect, just what I need."

Buffy started toward the door motioning for him to follow.

*********

They walked in silence through the streets of Sunnydale.  Buffy wasn't quite sure what to say and Spike seemed lost in his own thoughts.  Finally she broke the awkward silence between them.

"Well, aren't you going to ask me where we're going?"

"Didn't know I was allowed to ask."

"Spike!"  Buffy stopped herself before going any further.  She wasn't going to let him bait her.

"We're going to your old crypt", she said simply.  "Clem has kept it up for you since you've been gone."

Spike just shrugged his shoulders and continued walking.   Buffy stopped, looking up at him with uncertainty in her eyes.

"Spike, you… I mean when…"

"Is there something you're trying to say to me Slayer?"

Buffy felt awkward to say the least, she couldn't think of the right words, so she was just going to say it.

"When was the last time you had a bath" she said, her words coming out in a rush.

Spike looked at the ground, clearly uncomfortable.

"There's nothing good or clean in me Slayer, don't you remember?"

"Spike don't… I'm only trying to help.  Where… where did you go before, you know… before you left?"

"The 'Y' … and don't even start it.  I'd kill those poofsters if they looked at me twice."

Buffy smiled, she had missed this Spike, the one who had a smart answer for everything.

"Well, we're taking a detour.  You'll feel a lot better once you get cleaned up."

Spike didn't see any point in arguing with her about it so he went along, walking in silence until he realized they were headed straight for the Summers' house.

"This ain't the way to the Y Slayer."

"I know that.  It's not going to do you any good to take a shower if your clothes still smell like a dead… I mean if they.."  Buffy stopped, embarrassed.  "Uh, sorry."

"S'okay Slayer.  You've made it perfectly clear that I'm not fit for proper company."

Buffy was standing at the door to her house, keys in hand.  She gave Spike a genuine smile.

"Well, we'll just have to fix that."

Spike fought the overwhelming urge to run, run far and fast.  What was this bird playin' at?  Now she was going to take him straight into the lion's den…. well, more like the den of the teenager who currently hated his guts and the witch who could fry his innards with one glance.  What in the bloody hell was he supposed to do now?  He couldn't take this.  She was trying to push him over the edge, the evil little chit.  _Think about Dawn, his inner voice implored him.  The Bit, he had to check on her… make sure she was safe, whether she hated him or not.  Buffy had told him she would be, but he had to make sure.  He hadn't forgotten his promise._

"Well are you just gonna stand here all night?"

Buffy was already inside, holding the door open expectantly.

_Oh God, Spike thought…__there's no turning back now.  He took a deep breath and clenched his jaw… he was going in._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Buffy switched the knob on the washer over to 'hot', the clothes would probably fade, but the cold and gentle cycle just wasn't gonna cut it this time.   The house had been empty when she got home, Dawn and Will must have gone to the store or something.  She was kind of glad because Spike was acting awfully twitchy and she didn't know if he could handle anyone else at the moment.  She had sent him to the bathroom with explicit instructions to leave his dirty clothes outside the door and shower thoroughly.  He had almost balked when she led him up to the bathroom.  She had to admit it was awkward for her too, but she decided it was best to pretend that *it* had never happened, hoping her casual attitude would rub off on him and put him somewhat at ease.  

The word 'dirty' didn't seem to cover the condition of the clothes he had been wearing.  She was surprised they hadn't stood up and walked down to the laundry room with her of their own accord.  As it was, she had held them at arms length afraid the smell would rub off on her.  She had left Spike a pair of Riley's old sweat pants that he had left behind and an oversized Doublemeat t-shirt her boss had given her as a thanks for working an unscheduled double shift… big yay there.    

Buffy picked up the bottle of bleach and pondered adding it to the water as well, but thought better of it, instead she poured about twice the usual amount of detergent into the machine before throwing in Spike's shirt and jeans.  About that time she heard the front door open and Dawn and Willow's voices.  She hurried up the stairs, hoping to head them off before they ran into Spike.

Buffy rushed into the kitchen.  "Will… Dawn.. What's up?  Where ya been?"

"Oh, hey Buff we didn't know you'd be here.  Thought you had to work tonight", Willow said.

Willow barely managed to sit the bag of groceries she was carrying down on the countertop before Dawn started rummaging through it, coming out with a bag of chips.

"No, no Doublemeat tonight.  Just Slayer duty."  

Buffy stopped, not sure how to broach the subject of Spike being upstairs in the shower.  Dawn then started speaking, her mouth full of chips.

"We went to get some junk food.  We both have a big test tomorrow and Willow says it helps you study better if you eat as many refined sugars and starches as possible."

"Well, I guess Will always was the brainy one."

Buffy was so happy to see Dawn and Willow getting along again.  Things had been so strained when Willow had first come back.  But they really seemed to be working things out.  Now if she could just get Spike back on track, she might have her little family back together again.

"Guys, I need to talk to you about something."

"What's up Buff?", Willow queried.

"Yeah, do you need us to help patrol tonight?  I've been practicing."  Dawn had a hopeful look on her face.

"No, it's not that and besides didn't you just say you have a big test tomorrow?"

"Well yeah, but that's not as important as saving the world from demons.  I mean, duh."

"Well, speaking of demons…"

Before Buffy could finish her sentence they heard a decidedly irritated British accent coming from upstairs.

"You've got to be bloody kidding me.  Slayer, I'm not wearin this!"

"Yes you are", Buffy yelled toward the upstairs, she then turned back to Willow and Dawn.  "That's Spike",she said, stating the obvious.

"I kinda figured that, what with the accent and.. and the cursing."

"What's he doing here?!" Dawn snapped, cutting off Willow.

"Dawn, I had to get him out of the school basement, it was driving him crazy."

"So you brought him here?!"

"No Dawn, I… I just brought him by for a shower… and some clean clothes.  He's going back to his crypt."

Dawn folded her arms in front of her, glaring at Buffy.

"Buffy, what's going on here?"

"Dawn, there's some things you just don't understand."

"Explain it to me then."

Buffy looked at Willow, looking for someone to save her, but Willow looked just as interested in getting and explanation as Dawn did.  She couldn't start in on the soul thing that would just open a huge can of worms.  One that was better left closed as long as Spike was upstairs.  Time to stall.

"Dawn, I'll explain it all to you later.  Just… just be decent okay.  Don't threaten him… or… or anything.  He'll be gone soon."

"You're unbelievable you know that?!  I only threatened him because I was worried about *you* and now you're..."

"Dawn, I'm not saying … I'm not trying to come down on you.  I'm just asking you to be civil, you don't have to be his best friend."

"Yeah, like he was *ever* my friend to begin with."

Dawn spun around, prepared to make yet another dramatic exit when she almost collided with Spike.  He was standing barefooted at the entrance to the kitchen boots in hand, clearly uncomfortable, and looking lost in Riley's large sweat pants and the X-large Doublemeat t-shirt.  

"Maybe, I should just go now Slayer.  Thanks for the hospitality and all.  Don't want to upset the Bit."

"You're not upsetting me," Dawn said, her tone making a liar out of her.  "You can stay here as long as you want.  Can I get you something?  Some blood… one of Buffy's sweaters maybe?"

"Dawn!  Go upstairs now!  We'll talk about this later."

Spike watched Dawn's hasty exit, stung by her words.  He couldn't really blame her for hating him so much, but it hurt…a lot.  She seemed okay though, still fiery as ever.  She obviously wasn't takin any guff off this imposter for sure.  He was proud of her and he noticed she certainly had grown over the summer.

"Spike?"

It was Willow.  Spike turned his head from the empty doorway where he had just watched Dawn go.

"Red."

"How… how are you?  You look better… I mean."

"You mean I don't smell like a gut wagon?"

"Well, it certainly is an improvement."

Willow was looking at him intensely.  Spike didn't like it.  It was like she could see through him… like Anya had.  He looked away, fixing his eyes on the floor."

"W…Well I have a test I've gotta study for.  Gotta keep those grades up."  Willow was trying to sound casual and cheerful, but she knew she had seen something.  There was something different about Spike and she was pretty sure Buffy knew what it was.  She'd give Buffy an opportunity to tell her about it later, for now though, she thought it was best to stay out of the way.

After Willow had left the room.  Buffy tried to gloss over the scene Dawn had caused.

"Teenagers huh?  

Spike just shrugged, and looked at his feet.

"It's gonna be another 30 minutes or so until your clothes are done.  I was just about to go put them in the dryer. You wanna watch some t.v. or something while you wait?"

"No, Bu… Slayer… like I said, I think it's time for me to get going.  Don't really belong here."

He took a seat at the kitchen table and began lacing his boots on his sockless feet.  

"But, your clothes.  You need…"

"If you don't care, I'll just wear these.  I've got other clothes in m'crypt.  I'll bring these back to you later if you want."

"Well, if you insist we'll go" Buffy said uncertainly.

"You don't have to go with me Slayer.  I'll be a good lad.  Back to my crypt like a good little vampire."

"Spike, no offence, but I'm going with you.  I'm not gonna just let you go back to the school and hole up in a corner again."

"Whatever you say Slayer."

*********

If the silence had been awkward on their walk to her house then this silence was excruciating.  Buffy knew that Spike was really hurt by what Dawn had said.  She didn't blame Dawn.  It wasn't like her reaction wasn't normal and justified.  She'd have to follow through on her promise to explain everything to her, then maybe her attitude would change.

Spike didn't know how long it would be before his façade of sanity cracked wide open.  The scene with Dawn had burned him, there was no denying that, but he'd expected it.  It was Buffy… or 'it' that was causing the problem.  She'd told him 'it' was good, but holy hell!  The thing even acted like Buffy.  He had even found himself being sucked into the usual banter that he and Buffy used to share.  He had to keep reminding himself that this was not Buffy.  It was just trying to get close to him….make sure he wasn't a threat.

Finally after what seemed like ages, they reached the crypt.  Buffy followed Spike in.  The place was empty, at Buffy's urging Clem had decided to stay in his old apartment above Willie's, he'd planned to check in on Spike the next day after giving his friend a chance to settle in.  Very little had changed since Spike had left, the only indication of Clem's stay was a half eaten bag of Cheetos he'd left on the couch. Spike immediately surveyed the room, looking for something to drink… something stiff.  He thought he'd left a bottle here and Clem wasn't exactly the hard liquor type so it was probably still around.  Buffy perched uncomfortably on the edge of the couch, moving the Cheeto bag out of her way.

"So, looks pretty much the same.  Thought maybe Clem would do some redecorating… bring in some color."

"You still here Slayer?"  He said this with an acid tone not even looking at her.  He was determined to shut it out, make it go away. He was afraid if it didn't leave soon he would either snap or let everything slip or both.

"I was just… I just wanted to tell you something."

"Yeah, well can't you tell me later?  I've got some settlin' in to do and …."

"Spike, please this is important.  I know… I know this whole thing has been very hard on you.  I just wanted you to know that I forgive you… for what you… what you tried to do.  You have your soul back now and things are different.  I just didn't want you to torture yourself over it anymore… it… it wasn't you."

How dare she!  This stupid bitch was really trying to get to him.  Forgiving him!  Suppose she thought he'd fall at her feet ready to do her bidding at any moment.  Well, he wasn't that bloody stupid.

"Of course Slayer.  It's always all about you itn't it?  No matter how many people I slaughtered… the destruction I've caused.   Spike's going to be a-ok now that the Slayer has forgiven him for trying to force his way past her dimpled knees.  Thank you Slayer, I… I don't know what would have become of me without your generosity."

"You son of a bitch.  I can't believe… what the hell is your problem?!  I was trying to *help* you."  

Buffy stared at him dumbfounded and hurt.  He was determined to squash any efforts toward repairing their relationship.  Well, to hell with him, she thought heading for the door.  

"I should have just left you in that god damned basement to rot!  You ungrateful bastard!"  Buffy gave him one hateful glare and slammed the door shut, leaving the crypt.

"What's wrong Slayer, I thought all was forgiven?"  Spike yelled as she slammed the door.

**********

"Stupid worthless undead son of a bitch!"

With that Buffy staked the fledgling she'd found in the last cemetery on her nightly rounds.  He was the only vamp she'd been able to find that night and she was itching for a good fight to work off some of her frustrations.  She still couldn't believe Spike had said that to her.  For weeks it had been all "_I hurt the girl, poor me, I'm a crazy bastard, please help me."  She tries to give him a little help, offer up an olive branch and what does he do?  He shows his true colors is what.  No more feeling guilty over him… screw him… she had more pressing things to worry about anyway.  Namely the hell mouth and these guys in robes who seemed to like to kill people in her dreams.  Let Spike rot in his crypt for all she cared._

Buffy stomped up the walk to her house.  She'd never get to sleep tonight with all the adrenaline rushing through her body, not that she ever got any sleep anyway.  When she went in, Dawn and Willow were sitting at the kitchen table, books spread out in front of them.

"A little late for you guys to still be studying isn't it?" Buffy asked.

"We were just talking, we're about to pack it in though."  Willow smiled at Buffy, trying to keep things cheerful.  She was hoping there wouldn't be another scene like there was earlier.  Dawn was still pretty angry and determined to wait up for Buffy, so she could get her 'explanation'.  Willow admitted that she too was very interested in hearing what Buffy had to say.

"So are you going to explain about Spike?"  Dawn said matter of factly.

"There's nothing to explain.  He's insane, he doesn't need to be living in the school, so I took him back to his crypt.  End of story."

Buffy then spun around, leaving the room in what was a wonderful impersonation of Dawn's earlier exit.

Dawn narrowed her eyes, looking at Willow.

"See, I told you.  It's always the same story.  She never tells me anything."

Willow frowned, not knowing what to say to Dawn.  Because in this instance she knew Dawn was right.  Buffy was hiding something and she intended to find out what. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note:  Finally got another chapter up.  I'd hoped to finish this thing before 'Him' aired but seems I just don't have the time.  I know things are taking a little different turn on the show itself and for some reason it's hard for me to get back in the AU frame of mind after seeing a new episode.  Anyway, please R/R and let me know what you think.**

**Chapter 7**

"So, is it just me or is Buffy acting a little stand-offish these days?  Maybe she's still mad at me for trying to stop her from killing Anya."

"No Xander, I don't think that's it.  I think there's something else going on." 

Xander and Willow were sitting at the Summers' kitchen table sipping coffee.  Xander had his work clothes on and Willow looked dressed and ready to go out as well.

"Well what do you think's up?  Something hell mouthy?"

"There's definitely that of course.  She's still having nightmares about it I'm pretty sure, but she doesn't like to talk about them.  Dawn's really in a snit over that and…. well about Spike."

"Spike.  I should have known Dead Boy was behind all this.  What's he doing, stalking her again?  It's about time somebody puts him out of his misery, if she can't..."

"Xander, that's not it.  He's not even been around since she got him out of the basement and from the way she acted that night I don't think she's been seeing him.  There's something up with him though.  I don't know what exactly, I just have a feeling, ya know what I mean?"

"Well we know that can't be of the good."

"I don't know what it is Xander, I thought I saw…well, I don't know what I saw.  Haven't you wondered why he's acting so crazy?"

"Not really.  I guess he finally realized what a pathetic loser he is and cracked."

"Maybe" Willow said doubtfully deciding to change the subject for now.  "Have you talked to Anya lately?"

"No, she doesn't seem to want me around.  She doesn't seem to really want anybody around in fact.  I'm trying to give her some space, I know she's got a lot to deal with right now."

Xander stood up and took his cup to the sink.   He looked sad and was obviously thinking about his ex.

"Well I've gotta get out of here.  Those idiots who were supposed to deliver the flooring for the new gym never showed up yesterday.  So, we're all kinda sittin on our hands until we get it.  They promised to have it here by 10:00 this morning.  Thought I'd go in and get the guys started on it and then maybe see if Buffy wanted to go grab some lunch.  Maybe I can figure out what's buggin her."

************

Buffy sat at her desk staring blankly at her computer screen.  It was only a quarter of noon and she felt like she'd been sitting there for at least 8 hours already.  Thankfully, she had only had one student come in this morning, a sullen little guy who had been caught drawing pot leaves on his notebook.  He didn't really want to be there and neither did Buffy so it was a very quick counseling session, if you could even call it that.  She thought she should be glad to get the distraction of talking to the kids about their usually non-mystical problems but she was so out of focus.  It was all she could do to follow the simplest conversation these days, guess that's what sleep deprivation does for ya.  It was almost time for her to do her daily lunch time sweep of the basement.  She figured she'd keep that up for a while until she was sure that Spike was staying in his crypt.  She'd seen Clem on patrol a couple of nights ago, he said that as far as he knew he had been.  Clem said that Spike wasn't very social and didn't seem to want to hang out, but he was still checking in on him every couple of days anyway.  Clem sure was sweet to be a demon.  Maybe he wasn't even a demon at all.  He could have come from one of those alternate realities Anya talked about, maybe one where there's lots of shrimp and all the people are wrinkly?  Maybe she could send Spike there….the jerk.  She still couldn't believe how he had acted.  She knew he was crazy but that didn't mean he had to be cruel too.   She was only trying to relieve him of a little of his burden.  She was well aware that his sins stretched far beyond the incident in her bathroom, but it wasn't her place to absolve him of those.  She'd thought that maybe it would help if she at least offered her forgiveness for what he'd done to her, but that had only seemed to enrage him.  She didn't even know why she was wasting her time thinking about him.  She'd done what she'd set out to.  She got him out of the basement and away from the hell mouth.  She hadn't seen him since then and obviously he didn't want her around so that should be that… at least it should be anyway.

"Hey Buffster."

It was Xander.  He was standing in the entrance to her cubicle, the dust from his construction work still clinging to his clothing.

"Hey Xander.  What's up?"  God, Buffy hoped she didn't sound as disinterested as she felt.

"Well, I was wondering if I could tear you away from this lovely hell mouth for about an hour.  I'll buy ya some lunch."

"Thanks Xander, but I'm not really hungry."

Xander sat down in the chair where the students Buffy counseled usually sat and looked at her earnestly.

"Buffy listen, if you're still mad at me over the Anya thing I think we need to talk about it.  I know it's your sacred duty to protect and all and I'm sorry if you felt I interfered, but…"

"No, no.. Xander I'm not mad at you.  I understand why you were trying to stop me.  Besides, things turned out for the best.  I'm glad I didn't have to kill her you know?"

"Yeah, me too."  Xander paused for a moment not sure what else to say.   "So…. if you're not holding a grudge, why are you turning down a free meal?  You did hear the part about it being my treat, right?"

"Yeah it's just that I don't have much appetite and … and I've got a student scheduled here in about 15, so I wouldn't really have time.  I don't want to rush you."  Buffy felt a little ashamed for lying to Xander, but she didn't want to hurt his feelings.  She really wasn't angry with him, but she preferred to be alone and not have to try to act like everything was fine and laugh at his jokes.  To tell the truth, it wasn't just Xander, she didn't want to be around anybody.

Xander looked a little disappointed and doubtful about Buffy's excuse.  He stood up to go but noticed he'd left dirt all over the chair he'd been sitting he.  He began wiping it off with a Kleenex he grabbed off Buffy's desk.

"Sorry about that, construction gets a little messy", he mumbled.  Xander threw the soiled tissue in the wastebasket and started to leave.  "I guess I'll go since you have *work* to do.  Maybe we can do lunch some other time?"

"Sure Xander that would be nice.  I'm, really sorry I can't go.  I'll see you later, k?"

"Sure."

Xander turned and left Buffy sitting at her desk.  He had more questions now than when he'd come.  Guess Willow was right and there really was something else bugging her.  The question was what, and why she was pushing her friends away?

***********

Xander was sitting in his recliner, drinking a beer and watching _Enterprise when the phone rang.  Damn, whoever it was he hoped they made it quick because this episode was supposed to be a real mind blower._

"Hello" Xander said into the receiver, sounding a little impatient.  It better not be another one of those damn telemarketers.

"Xander, thank goodness.  I've been trying to ring someone at Buffy's but it seems no one's home."

It was Giles and by the sound of his voice something was up.

"Giles, hey man!  What's up?   Wait, don't tell me, the world's coming to an end."

"Well, actually that's a distinct possibility.  Do you have any idea where everyone is?"

"I think Buffy had to work tonight, Willow has a night class, and Dawn… well I'm not sure where Dawn is, she might be at a friends house or she's playin sneaky teenager again.  So who's trying to end the world this time?  Does it have anything to do with the school basement?"

"I received a prophecy of sorts.  It's very odd.  I have no idea who sent it, but it was postmarked from Sunnydale.  There was no note inside or return address.  Do you think perhaps Willow posted it and forgot to enclose a letter?"

"I doubt it.  I saw Will this morning and she didn't say anything about any prophecy.  She's doing really good to, you know dealing with her post apoctalyptic…"

"Xander", Giles interrupted.  "Is Buffy okay?  I mean have you noticed anything ….different about her?"

"There's always the fact that she doesn't want anything to do with me.  But I think that may have to do with me trying to stop her from killing Anya.  Even though she says she's not mad about it.  Will thinks there's something else up though."

"Killing Anya?  What are you talking about Xander?"

Xander told Giles the whole story beginning with the big spider and ending with D'Hoffran twisting Anya's wish and frying Halfrek.

"Oh well… I.. I can see how Buffy would feel she needed to stop Anya.  I'm sure she's glad it was resolved in a less… uh, deadly way, as am I."

"You and me both buddy.  So, what's in this prophecy anyway?"

"I'm not sure I've got the full picture yet actually.  It's taken me several days to translate it, it was written in the language of the old ones and I'm not sure I have it all right.   It speaks of the Slayer being trapped in the hell mouth and an imposter taking her place.  It also speaks of the murder of the slayers-in-waiting, so to speak.  The fact is, I wouldn't be so worried if I hadn't just been to a Council meeting where they reported this very thing is happening.  So far, 3 young potential slayers have already been killed."

"So you're saying Buffy might be an imposter?"

"No Xander, I don't know what I'm trying to say.  We… we just can't afford to jump to any conclusions.  I don't even know who sent me this prophecy.  There are very few existing volumes that are written in this language and most of those who know how to read it aren't exactly trustworthy…. me excluded of course.   I'm coming to California in a few days, as soon as I get a few things settled.  Until then, don't say anything to Buffy about this… or to Willow, she has enough to concern her right now."

"Well, can I tell them you're coming?"

"Of course, just don't tell them about the prophecy yet.  There are a few things I still need to check out.  You can just tell them I'm coming with information regarding our current problems with the hell mouth."

"Okay man, whatever you think's best."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"What's it do luv?"

Spike was sitting on the floor in his old room in the high school basement holding a glowing red crystal in his right hand.  Buffy was sitting in front of him.

"It's a binding crystal.  It will prevent my imposter from bringing direct harm to anyone.  I knew you were really worried about Dawn, so this will make sure it can't hurt her… or anyone else for that matter.  It won't prevent 'it' from carrying out its' plans but it will keep it from lashing out directly at people."

"What do I do with it?"

"You need to hide it in a place that 'it' frequents, otherwise it won't have a strong enough effect. The best place would be to hide it in her...I mean *my* bedroom."

"That should be cake, seein as how I'm so welcome in the Summers' home these days…especially Buffy's bedroom."

"You have to find a way Spike.  Just wait until nobody's home and sneak in, you've done it before."

"Hey how'd you know that?"

"Nevermind baby, just please don't get caught, otherwise it will know you're onto it and it might kill you, it might kill everybody and we'll all be ruined."

"Yes, pet.  I'm well aware of the gravity of the situation.  From beneath us it devours.. blah, blah."

"Spike!  This is serious!  Don't you believe me?"

Spike sighed and took Buffy's hand in his own, lightly tracing the lines on her palm with his index finger.

"I know it is Buffy.  I know.  I just can't stand this any longer.  When are we going to make our bloody move?!?  I'm going crazy in that crypt.  Things are so much worse when you're not near.  If I didn't get to see you for a few minutes every night I'd be completely crackers by now.  And her… it… it's good pet, it knows things.  If I didn't know better I'd swear…"

"Don't.  You know it's not real.  I told you it was good.  Just avoid it, avoid it and it won't be able to get to you."

"I know luv, I'm trying.  I haven't even been near it since I moved back to my crypt.  But I just don't understand why we're waiting when that thing is getting stronger every day."

"Soon baby.  It will all be over soon.  Trust me."

Buffy pressed her lips to Spike's and he was soon lost in her embrace.

**********

Spike was surprised at how easy it had been to hide the crystal in Buffy's room.  He'd done as she'd asked and waited until everyone had left for the day and then snuck inside.  He hid the crystal under Buffy's mattress.  Luckily it was small and flat enough that it didn't leave a lump for her to detect.  The accomplishment made him feel better than he had felt in days.  At least he had done something to protect the ones he loved.  He would just have to learn to be patient for the rest.

**********

Buffy barely made it to the bathroom before she threw up what little she had eaten the night before.  The flu was the last thing she needed right now.  She didn't exactly have benefits at any of her jobs so it wasn't like she could afford to be sick.  Besides, Xander had told her Giles was on his way in to town.  He apparently had some info about their current hell mouth problems and she had intended to be ready to use that info ASAP and put all the horrible dreams and sleepless nights behind her.  Somehow she doubted that the current big bad, whatever it was, would be willing to hold the apocalypse until she felt better.  She'd just have to tough it out.

The overwhelming nausea finally subsided enough for her to quit hugging the toilet and stand on her own two feet.  The room was still spinning a little but she thought she could manage as long as she didn't have to talk to anyone, or eat, or slay, or ….damn, this wasn't good.  She managed to take a shower and dress, her hair would just have to go in a ponytail and makeup wasn't even an option.  If things got much worse she wouldn't have the strength to even take a shower, then she'd be like Spike…stinky and insane.  Spike… never a good train of thought, she reminded herself.  He doesn't want your help and you're certainly not going to beg him, especially not right now when you can barely help yourself enough to walk across the room.  

Buffy finally managed to make it down the stairs into the kitchen.  She felt like her legs were made of lead and every step took all of her strength. 

"Good morning Buffy."  Willow chirped.

_Death to all annoying and cheery people, Buffy thought._

"Morning Will", she managed to grumble.

"Buffy, do you feel okay?  You're looking a little pale."

"I think I've got some kind of flu bug….just what every girl needs."

Willow was looking at Buffy oddly.  There was something about her that just wasn't right.  Her aura was off….scrambled somehow.  There was something going on that went beyond the usual 24 hour flu but Willow wasn't sure what.

"Why don't you stay home today Buffy?  I'm sure the principal at the school will understand and maybe you can ask that girl Sophie to pick up your shift at the Doublemeat tonight?"

"I guess, but what about slaying?  I can't exactly ask the vamps to take the night off can I?"

"Don't worry about it.  You'll probably feel like your old self by tonight with the slayer healing powers and all …and if not Xander and I will make a few rounds, keep the bad guys on their toes."

"I can't let you guys do that.  There's something bad out there and I don't want you guys patrolling without me."

"We'll ask Spike to help.  He's got the super power thing going on too."

Buffy snorted at the mention of Spike's name.

"Yeah, that ought to work out real well."

"Well, we'll figure out something.  If you're going to be stubborn, Xander and I can go out with you tonight.  But for now, I think you need to go back to bed before you pass out.  I'll take Dawn to school and she can talk to the principal for you."

Buffy started to argue, but didn't even have the strength to form the words.  Maybe she should at least take the day off from her job at the school, maybe she would feel better by evening and be able to go to her other jobs.

*********

After dropping of Dawn at the high school, Willow decided to take a short detour before heading to the UCSD campus.  She had another hour before her first class started and she decided that now was a good time to find out what was going on with Spike.  Something was up with him and she had a weird feeling that *something* was related to what was going on with Buffy.  It was time to find out what it was.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"Spike… Spike are you here?"

Willow had tried knocking on the vampire's crypt door but had gotten no response.  She finally decided to let herself in.  The sun was pretty bright out and she didn't know where else he could be, unless he had snuck back over to the school basement.  Buffy and Xander would be real pleased if that were the case.  She squinted trying to adjust her eyes to the lack of lighting in the crypt.  She thought she saw a figure stretched out on the couch and cautiously walked toward it.  It was Spike and he appeared to be sleeping.  He was shirtless and his hair was all over his head as if he had been thrashing around.  Willow also noticed that he was mumbling something but she couldn't quite make out what.  She gently touched his shoulder attempting to wake him.

"No, No, No.  Stay away!  I told you to stay away from me!"

Willow quickly jumped back as Spike sprang off the couch and began ranting at her, his hands held in front of him as if to ward her off.

"I can't help you.  It's too late.  I told you I was sorry.  I'm so sorry!  There's nothing I can do…nothing.  It's too late you're dead….you're all dead and I can't do anything about it.  What do you want from me?!?!"

"Spike, hey, calm down.  It's me, Willow.  I'm not dead, I promise. It's just me."

Spike looked at the figure of Willow skeptically, his brows knitted in confusion.  What was she doing here?  Was it even her?  He retreated further across the room, backing himself against a wall, not sure what to believe.

"I'm sorry Spike.  I didn't mean to startle you, I just wanted to talk.  You…you weren't answering the door."

"Red?"

"Yeah.  Who'd you think it was?"  Willow was pretty confused by now.  Spike seemed to actually be frightened of her. She wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Oh Wil… sorry.  I was just having a dream."  Spike turned away from Willow and began rummaging through a considerable collection of mostly empty liquor bottles, his hands shaking visibly.  He finally found one that was about half full and poured himself a generous glass.  He then held the bottle toward Willow in a silent offer.

"Not really the hard liquor type…but thanks anyway."  Willow wasn't sure how to proceed so she just stood awkwardly in the middle of the room.

"Was there something you needed Red?"

"Oh, yeah.  I… I just… how are you?"

Spike looked a little taken aback at Willow's question.

"Okay I guess.  There some reason you're asking?"

Willow walked slowly toward Spike, she was trying hard to make eye contact but he was avoiding her gaze and the lack of lighting in the crypt wasn't helping either.  Willow decided to at least remedy the last problem.

"Illuminate"  

As soon as Willow spoke the word, all of the candles in the room were suddenly lit of their own accord, the flames surging up before settling back down to the normal flicker of candlelight.  Spike nearly jumped out of his skin and spit a whole mouthful of whisky half way across the room.

"Bloody hell Willow!  What are you trying to do?  I'm just minding my own business and you…"

"Wow" was the only word Willow could manage to utter when Spike's gaze met hers.

"Wow *what* you silly bint?  Good thing I'm already dead because you could give a bloke a heart attack. Ever heard of a lighter?"

"Spike you… you have a soul."

Spike quickly averted his gaze from Willow's.

"So… did *Buffy* tell you to come get a look at the new circus freak, poke it's cage a li'l."

"No Spike, Buffy didn't tell me anything.  I just knew… I can see it."

"Well, I'm not surprised she didn't tell.  *She* probably doesn't want any of you around me.  Afraid I'll bugger up the plan."

"What plan?  Spike, what are you talking about?"

"Nothing.  I'm a little mad if you didn't notice."

"Is it the soul?  Is it… I mean… does it … does it hurt?"

Spike laughed, a bitter humorless sound.

"Well it ain't no day at the circus, Red.  Now, I've enjoyed the visit and all, but if you don't mind terribly, it's sorta my bed time."

Willow simply ignored his attempt to brush her off.

"It must be really awful for you."

Spike felt a wave of shame and embarrassment.  He didn't want anyone's pity.  He didn't deserve it.  

"I wouldn't feel too sorry for me pet.  Probably getting off easy considering what I've done."

"I know the feeling."

"Do you now?" Spike said with a scornful laugh.

"Spike, I've killed people.  *Brutally* killed people.  I flayed someone alive.  I don't think that's anything to scoff at."

"Sorry Wil.  Didn't mean to put down your li'l rampage."  Spike gestured toward his couch.  "As long as you're gonna hang around why don't you have a seat.  Might put some things in perspective for you."

Willow took the offered seat.  She couldn't help feeling a little insulted at Spike's dismissal of her pain, but he did seem willing to talk now and she didn't want to discourage him.  Spike sat down on the other end of the couch leaving quite a space between them.  He ran his fingers through his hair with a deep sigh before looking Willow straight in the eye.

"Ere's how it goes Red.  You lost someone you loved and you had the *power* to do somethin about it….to punish the one what did it.  Not everyone has that kind of power….if they did we'd see a lot more flayings about.  Not exactly…"

"Spike don't do that.  Don't excuse what I did.  I took a human life….more than one.  There's no way to rationalize that, so don't even try.  Maybe I didn't kill half of Europe, but I still have blood on my hands, so I know how it feels.  I had no right to do that."

"But you felt justified didn't you?"  
  


"At the time, but not now."

"But at the time you did.  In your mind you were doing what was right, misguided or not.  Destroying someone who was evil."

Spike paused contemplating his drink before finishing it off in one large gulp.

"Do you know why I did the things I did?  Because I *enjoyed* causing pain.  I didn't seek out those who I felt deserved it.  No just the opposite…I sought out the innocent, those who deserved it least of all.  Oh, I've killed my share of criminals and such but that was mainly just for a meal.. killed em quick.  But, do you know what happened when I found me a sweet li'l innocent?  Do you know what I did to them Wil?"  At this point tears were standing in Spike's eyes but he forced himself to continue.  "I am the kind of monster you can't even conceive of.  I've done things you couldn't imagine in your darkest dreams.  I did those things because I was *evil* and I enjoyed *every* bleeding minute of it.  So don't put yourself in my league Red.  It's a club you don't want to belong to.   I deserve to be tormented….every single day… for the rest of my pathetic life.  You don't… not compared to me.  You may not believe me and you may not feel it, but you still have your innocence… tarnished a little, but it's still there.  You deserve to be forgiven."

Willow sat in silence not sure what to say.  She felt an overwhelming sense of compassion.  She knew she was by no means qualified to offer him absolution, but she felt for him anyway.   She knew what it was like to have to live with the knowledge of having done horrible things, even if he didn't see that.  She supposed she couldn't expect someone with his past to appreciate the gravity of what she had done.  She wasn't interested in having a 'measuring' contest with him anyway, that wasn't why she was here.  She was here to satisfy a nagging feeling…a feeling that something very wrong was happening and he knew something about it.

"She's helping me you know.  Even though I don't deserve it, she's helping me anyway. She's an angel you know."

Willow looked up, shaken out of her thoughts, by the quiet, sad sound of Spike's voice.

"Who's helping you Spike?  Is it Buffy?  Has she been coming to see you?"

Spike looked suddenly nervous, he stood up and begin pacing the short length of his crypt.

"Nothing Red.  Don't know what I'm talking about.  I see things…people… people I killed… hear voices.  Don't know what's real."

"Spike, answer me.  Has Buffy been coming to see you?  Do you know what's wrong with her?"

"Here?  No she would never come here.  Can't be here.  It's just me…and them…no Buffy.  Not now.  But soon…soon…  You need to go.  Don't belong in the vampire's crypt.  Besides I… I need to sleep.  Got a busy night ahead.  There are things that must be done.  Have to be ready."

Willow knew she wouldn't be getting much more out of Spike.  His eyes had taken on a far away glaze.  Besides, she needed to go if she was going to be on time to class.  Couldn't have a repeat performance of last Spring.  Giles would be there soon and maybe he could shed some more light on the situation.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Xander was waiting for Giles in the baggage claim area of the Sunnydale Regional Airport.   He figured he was the best one to do it, since Buffy didn't have a car and Willow didn't need to miss any of her classes.  Being a supervisor had its' advantages, his boss had a lot of trust in him and he was allowed to take time off to run errands and such.   Giles flight had been delayed in LA about an hour due to some kid who had tried to bring a rather realistic looking water pistol through the gate.  They'd actually shut down the entire airport and prevented any flights from landing or taking off because of it.  It seemed like no one had any common sense these days…. and of course this had to happen today.   Xander was already anxious to see Giles and find out what he knew about the current menace, and with the delayed flight, he was about to go stir crazy.   Finally after what seemed like a year, a garbled voice came over the loudspeaker, announcing the arrival of Giles' flight.  Luckily, since Sunnydale's airport was pretty small, it was only a few minutes before he saw Giles walking toward the baggage claim area.

"Yo Giles!" Xander called to the older man as he walked toward him.

"Xander, thank God you're here.  That was the most dreadful flight."

"Yeah, those wacky 10 year old terrorists, ya gotta love 'em."

"Right.  Well, unfortunately we have more weighty matters at hand."

"They lost your luggage too?"  Xander joked.

"Bloody well better not have.  I paid quite a sum for that set."  Giles then spotted his bags coming around the carousel and breathed an audible sigh of relief.  

"You're a little on edge aren't ya Giles?"

"That doesn't begin to describe it.  Xander, we have serious problems."

"That bad huh?"

"As bad as it gets I'm afraid.  I assume you came alone?"

"Yeah just me, everybody else is pretty tied up."

"Good.  I was counting on getting a chance to talk with you before I saw the others."

Giles grabbed his bags off the carousel as they came past.  Xander took the largest of them from him as they headed out of the airport.

"Guess we're really in trouble if you're counting on me, right?"

"Indeed."

*************

Giles waited until he and Xander were out of the airport traffic and back on the expressway before broaching the subject at hand.

"How is Buffy?"

"Buff… well, she's actually not too good.  She's sick or somethin.  Will and I had to patrol with her last night and that was definitely a good thing."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, she's just not feelin well and she probably woulda ended up as a vamp snack if we hadn't been with her.  She's weak.  I don't ever remember her being this sick.  She couldn't even make it to her other jobs, but she insisted we not patrol without her.  She's got this thing about her being the chosen one."

"Dear Lord, I was hoping my suspicions were wrong."

"Are you talking about that imposter thing again?  Giles, something is up, completely on board with that, but Buffy's not an imposter.  I tested her last night."

"What do you mean you tested her?  You didn't say anything to her did you!?"

"No, no… I just asked her questions.  You know, things only she would know.  She passed too…got pretty annoyed with me, asked if I was trying to sell her life story to the Enquirer… but she passed."

"Xander, that unfortunately doesn't prove anything.  I've done some research and if there is an imposter in Buffy's place, it would know intimate details of her life, things you'd think no one else could possibly know."

"Okaaay…then how are we supposed to know who the *real* Buffy is?  Does the imposter have a '666' tattoo?"

"I've searched for information on any demons or spirits that can mimic human form.  Spirits are non-corporeal, they don't have solid form, so…."

"Well, Buffy's corporeal alright.  I practically had to carry her home last night."

"As I was about to say, it could not be a spirit.  However, there is one demon that fits, a Shapeshifter.  It's rarely been seen in this dimension since the Middle Ages.   It can take solid form and can also access the memories and even the mannerisms of the person it is portraying.  Luckily for us all, it does have a weakness."

"Which is?"

"It needs to revert to its' true form after a certain time or it will start to appear ill and weak."

"You mean like Oto on Deep Space 9?  Do we need to see if she has a bucket hidden somewhere?"

"Xander, for God's sake, will you please be serious for once in your life!  I cannot take this to the Council, I don't know what sort of mind frame Willow is in, and I certainly cannot talk to Buffy about this… so, I need you to try and act like a grown man and quit turning everything into a bad joke!"

"Uh…sorry.  I was just trying to….okay, I'm an idiot.  But, I'm king of all seriousness now, so just tell me what you want me to do."

"Well, I'll need to see Buffy of course…and Willow, how is she?"

"She's doing good.  She really is.  I mean I know she's still sad over Tara and *everything*, but I think she's dealing.  I don't think she's about to go all veiny if that's what you're asking."

"I just don't know that it would be wise to bring her into this Xander…with the forces we're dealing with.  It could be extremely advantageous for us to have a powerful witch on our side, however, on the other hand I don't know if she's ready for this.  This power wants to end the world and we cannot forget that Willow tried to do the same less than 6 months ago."

"Giles, that's not Will anymore.  I mean, you saw her in England, you know how sorry she is for what happened. It was just a crazy, bad situation.  That bastard killed Tara right in front of her!  I can't believe you think she'd…"

"Xander, I am not questioning Willow's remorse or.. or intentions, but…."

"So what are you questioning?"

"This entity we're dealing with….we don't know much about it…but we do know it is a master manipulator.  From what I heard at the Council meeting, it could be working to trick us in a number of ways, even making us believe we are doing the right thing, when in actuality we are playing right into its' hands.   The kind of power that Willow holds could be very useful to us, but it could also be very useful to those working against us."

"The Council says this?  Giles, I know that's your little club but I've gotta admit, I'm not putting a whole lot of stock in what they say."

"Yes Xander, I understand why you distrust the Council and I do believe they know more than they are telling.  That is why I didn't bring the prophecy to their attention.  But even though they see things differently than we do, they are still on the same side.  They don't want the world to end any more than we do and they are a valuable source of information."

"Then why all the secrets?"

"The Council sees the Slayer as a mere tool.  She is expendable to them.  They wouldn't hesitate to kill her in a second if they even suspected that she was not what she seems to be.  They know of my affection for her, so it's fair to say that they don't completely trust me.  For all I know they already know about the prophecy.   So, we have to find out the truth of what's happening here before they send some dimwitted  henchmen over to do God knows what." 

"Shoot first, ask questions later."

"Once again you have reduced a complex situation to a pop culture reference, but that does about sum it up."

"Glad to help.  I like to consider myself the Cliff's Notes of mysticism.  So, are we headed to la casa de la Summers?  Buff should be home soon and Will gets out of class pretty early today."

"Yes of course, whatever is going on I think I should be as close to Buffy as possible."


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note:I know it has been a while since I updated.Thanks for all the great reviews.My computer was stolen over the Christmas holidays, so that has made things difficult.I think I'm back in the swing of things though.I'm hoping to wrap this up in 2 or 3 more chapters, but will just have to see how it goes once I start putting them down on paper.Hope you enjoy.Don't worry there will be plenty of Buffy in Spike in the upcoming chapters.**

**Chapter 11**

Willow dropped her bag beside the door as she came in.The house was empty.Dawn and Buffy wouldn't be home for another hour or so.Classes had been going extremely well and she was grateful that she still had the comfort of academia to turn to.At least that had been a constant through her life, if you didn't count last semester.

Willow was still very concerned about Buffy, but she had insisted on going to work that morning.Buffy claimed that she felt better if she got up and left the house, however, it seemed like every morning she was back to hugging the toilet.She was anxiously looking forward to Giles' arrival.Maybe he could talk some sense into Buffy and make her rest.Plus, he just may have an explanation for what's wrong with her.Coupled with the nightmares Buffy had every night and her scattered aura, she strongly doubted that she was only dealing with a nasty flu bug.

Willow turned on the kitchen faucet and filled up the tea kettle, setting it on the stove.She had developed the habit of having afternoon tea since her stay in London.She'd even considered buying the leaves and doing it _properly as the Brits liked to say.Buffy and Dawn had teased her, accusing her of being turned into a stuffed shirt by the English coven._

She couldn't help but smile when she thought about the witches in the coven.They were anything but stuffed shirts.They were so completely unpretentious and gentle.Not gentle in a weak way, but in a strong respectful way.They had incredible powers but only used them when they felt it was absolutely necessary, they respected the natural order of things.It reminded her of Tara who had tried to teach her that lesson on numerous occasions.She'd always thought she was being a wet blanket.At the height of her abuse of the powers she had even begun to believe that her lover was jealous that her magical abilities had exceeded hers.Now she knew that was never the case.Tara had only been concerned for her, she had known what could happen if one allowed the power to rule them.Willow wiped a tear from the corner of her eye in shame.She only hoped that wherever Tara was, she had not seen the results of her surrender to the dark magicks.

"Please don't cry sweetie.I can't stand to see you look so sad."

Willow whirled around in shock at the sound of the familiar voice.She couldn't believe her eyes.It was Tara, her Tara, standing right in front of her.She was bathed in a golden light, she looked so beautiful, angelic even.Willow just stared at her in awe, her heart pounding in her ears.

"Don't be scared.You know I'd never hurt you.I've come to help."

"T..Tara?Is it really you?Oh God baby, is it really you?"Willow had tears streaming down her face, partly from shock but mostly from the pure joy of seeing her beloved Tara again.

"It's really me, but I don't have much time.I have something very important to tell you and I must do it quickly before *she* gets home."

"Who Tara?Buffy?Do you know what's wrong with Buffy?"

"You know Willow.You've seen it yourself, you've seen it in her aura.You just don't trust yourself.That's why I came, to tell you it was okay to believe what you see… even if it's not what you want to believe.There are bad things happening Wil, terrible things.You have to wake up and face it that things aren't what they seem to be.

"Are you saying that Buffy's not herself?That can't be.Something's wrong, yeah, but it is still Buffy."

"Mr. Giles will know what to do.You have to trust him baby….trust me.If you want to help Buffy, you have to have faith.I have to go now, just remember what I said."

"No Tara!Don't go.You can't go, you can't leave me again."Willow was panicking.

"I have to.But, I'm always with you… always."

Tara faded away as she said the last word.Willow stared at the spot where she had stood in silent disbelief.It was like losing her all over again.She felt like she was literally frozen in place, her limbs unable to move, her chest too tight to breathe.Suddenly she was shocked out of her trance by the high pitched whistle of the tea kettle.She grabbed it in a rage, flinging it across the room.The kettle hit the wall sending out a spray of boiling water, burning the arm she held up to protect herself.The searing pain dissolved her rage.She crumpled to the floor crying, hugging her knees.It was there that Xander and Giles found her.

*******

"Willow.My God."

Xander rushed toward Willow, a look of panicked concern on his face.

"Your arm!What happened?"

Willows entire forearm was beginning to blister.Xander held it gingerly inspecting it.

"The teapot."Willow said quietly, gazing at where it still lay on the floor.

Xander turned to follow Willow's gaze and relaxed visibly.

"Well I guess you showed *it*."He said half jokingly.

Willow looked past Xander at Giles, who was standing in the doorway to the kitchen with a very concerned look on his face.

"Sorry Giles," Willow said."I know this isn't a very good welcome."She managed to give him a watery smile.She knew what he was thinking.He thought she had fallen off the wagon and gotten herself hurt.

Giles quickly recovered himself and took charge of the situation.

"Xander, go get the med kit.We'll need to see to that arm."

"Sure thing," Xander said jumping up from the floor.He extended his hand to Willow, helping her up and sitting her at the kitchen table before hurrying out of the room.

Giles picked up the tea kettle, setting it back on the stove.He then yelled to Xander to also bring a towel to sop up the rest of the water that had leaked from the overturned pot.

********

Xander cleaned up the floor while Giles tended to Willow's arm, spreading burn cream over the angry looking blisters.Willow hesitantly related to them the story of her encounter with Tara.She was afraid they would think she had completely lost her mind…again.

"And you can see that her aura is off somehow?"

Giles felt his heart sink.The last of the doubt he had been desperately clinging to was starting to fade.

"Yes Giles.At first, I thought she must just be terribly sick and it was you know, messing with her.But now… after Tara… and Spike…"

"Spike?" Xander snapped.

"He has his soul back.Buffy knew it too, but she didn't tell anybody.Why would she hide that?I mean if it's really her, why wouldn't she tell us?"

Xander just stared at Willow with a puzzled look on his face.Giles took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Spike has a soul?William the Bloody?Willow are you absolutely certain?"

"Yes Giles, I'm sure.I can see it.He really does have his soul."

"So that's why captain peroxide's been extra crazy lately?"

"Yeah Xander, I guess so.It's driving him insane… I mean, just imagine all the guilt."

There was an obvious look of empathy on Willow's face as she spoke about Spike.

Giles stood up and began pacing the room.

"This is very unusual.I… I'll have to admit I don't know what to say.I wasn't expecting this turn of events.Do you know how this happened?"

"No, I don't.He's kinda skiddish.Doesn't really seem to want to talk about it.I think he knows something about Buffy though.He said some weird things about there being plans or something."

Giles just continued to pace, while nervously polishing his glasses.Xander still looked puzzled.

"You guys think I'm crazy don't you.You think I'm seeing things.I mean Tara's ghost, souled Spike, abusing teapots….it all does sound kind of loony.Maybe I am …"

Giles stopped pacing and interrupted Willow's ramble.

"There's some things I need to tell you Willow.I wasn't sure if it was wise to concern you with these issues, but I think I have to."

Giles sat back down and told Willow of the prophecy he had received and his research on Shapeshifters.

"So that would explain why Buffy is so sick?"Willow said, sounding like she may be sick herself as she spoke the words.

"I'm afraid so Willow.It all does seem to add up."

"Yeah to badness," Xander added.


End file.
